It was a beautiful morning, nothing different from any other, really. Branson woke up at 5am, nursed, played and I slept for a bit more while he spent some time with Cody. Then it was time to get up and get ready for work. Get myself and all three kids ready for the day. I was leaving work early that day around 11:45 beause we had to be in McKinney at 1 to have Stetson's cast removed from when he had broken his arm a month earlier. I got the kids dropped off about 8:30, I gave the older kids a hug and kiss then I kissed Branson while he was still in his carseat and I told the baby sitter he would probably be hungry soon. Then off to work I went. I don't remember much about work, but I remember rushing to get it all done so I could leave on time. It was 11:55 before I left, 10 min after I wanted to leave. I grabbed some food and drove to get the kids. I sat in the car eating what I could and singing along to the radio. About 12:25 I got a call from the sitter. I expected it to be her asking when I would be there bc I was kinda already a little late. I clearly remember the conversation that we had at first I just heard her breathing hard and my heart started to beat a little faster " BRITNI" "What?" Something is wrong with Branson?" "Ok, whats wrong?" " He's not breathing, I think he threw up!" "WHAT?! CALL 911!" " I DID, They are here." The paramedic then asked to speak to me and began asking me questions about if there was any medical issues and so many other things that I don't even know what all it could have been. She told me to pull over and quit driving ( I refused) We hung up and I flew as fast as I could to get there. I don't remember any of the car ride. When I was about 5 min away she called again and told me that they were transferring him to the hospital. I turned around to go to the hospital and meet them there. I thought ok transferring...its gotta mean they have something fixed..right?! I had tried to call Cody as soon as I got off the phone with the paramedics the first time and he didn't answer so I tried again and he didn't answer again. I was in a panic. I called my mom and she didn't answer and I just thought "REALLY WHY IS NO ONE ANSWERING?!" So I called my dad because I knew he as off work that day and he answered and he was with my mom and after telling them what was going on they were on their way. I tried again to call Cody and finally I heard his voice and thats when I started panicking. I tried to tell him what was going on but he couldn't understand me so I tried again but he still wasn't catching on. So at this point I just said "Something is wrong with Branson. He isn't breathing. They are taking him to Lakepointe hospital. Come now!" He was on his way too. I called others like my best friend and my co workers, I had a coworker pray with me on the phone and I was praying the whole way..begging God to not let it be true! I beat the ambulance to the hospital. When I got to the ER I told them my 9 month old was being transferred in...they knew exactly what was happenening...they took me straight to the room they had prepared. I sat there and the RN spoke to me and the chaplin came in..I saw the look they gave each other and knew it meant what my gut had been telling me from the moment I got the call. It was too late, I knew thats what the look meant and I felt sick. They finally arrived and I saw them carry his limp little body in to the room and I froze... I felt like I was watching myself from above. I just sat and prayed out loud " God please no, please help him, please God please" over and over I rocked in my chair and prayed and prayed. The chaplin prayed with me...I wanted to scream. I remember them talking about what they were going to do, all the meds and machines they were trying to use to get his heart beating again. The doctor started walking towards me and I told him no! to let me wait for someone else to get there to decide what to do..he said there was no deciding..it was all they could do. He was gone. I fell out of my chair onto my knees on the cold tile floor and screamed " NOOOOO!!!" and started crying. The nurse grabbed me as I fell and helped me back up to my chair. I only cried for a few minutes. Then the shock set in I think. They asked if I wanted to hold him, I tried to walk to his bed, but couldn't even stand up. I was still alone. No one else had arrived yet. I felt helpless. So they wrapped him up and brought him to me. He was so cold and stiff. I unwrapped his little body and looked at everything that was still attached and just touched everything on his body. I wanted to remember what he looked like, every little detail. From a freckle to a bruise I wanted it in my memory. Then My mom walked in...I looked at her and she looked at me, then at him in my arms. I said " He's gone" she cried..I think, maybe not, that is a blur. I know she was determined to be a rock. A few min later Cody ran in and I looked at him and he looked and Branson and I said " He's gone" and we started crying together. Cody hit his knees. I could see the pain in his eyes. His time of death was around 1:45. They had worked on him for over an hour. The next few hours kind of stood still. They finally allowed my dad and sister to come in and see him. I went to the waiting room to thank all the people who had come to wait and pray with us. Nothing more could be done but I wanted to thank them for dropping everything and coming to the hospital in the middle of a Tuesday. It was more than I could have asked for. Others did things such as pick up my other children and get carseats. Things just kinda happened. We were allowed to hold him until the ambulance came to transfer his body to the Medical Examiners office. It was a few hours, it was nice to just be with him, but I just kept waiting for him to breath again and the nightmare to be over. I just stared at him and waited for him to all the sudden wake up. They finally arrived and we had to hand him over to the men that would be taking him. I didn't want to let go but I did. I was stiff and felt like I was in another world. We then had to drive home to our other children and try to figure out what to say to them. As soon as I walked in the door at the house Stetson runs up to me and says "Hey mom guess what Branson was sick so they took him to the hospital and I am ready to go see him can we go see him now?" I was without words I just stared at him and said I knew and that we would talk about it soon. The story goes on from here, but it took me days to write this part as I kept having to stop.
I did however want to mention a few times during this whole story where I felt God 110% and I knew he was there! Immediately when I received the call from the sitter I felt this presence. It is hard to explain, but I knew God was guiding me through it all. When my co-worker prayed on the phone with me...I felt him holding me and my heart. When I was holding Branson for those hours after they had pronounced his time of death I kept hearing in my head over and over the song "It Is Well" in my head. It was on repeat and it was calming for me. God was speaking straight to my heart at that time. And although I hated everything about that day I knew it would all be ok and God was there in the midst of my pain. I again want to thank those that are praying today and that have been praying for the past two years. I have only survived with God on my side and will only survive with him in my future.
