This Thursday June 12, 2014 it will mark two years since my sweet third child returned home to his heavenly father. The pain is just the same as if it happened yesterday. My memories of him have holes. They are so real yet can feel so faint all at the same time. I vividly remember the last night I put him to sleep. That is a blessing. He was snuggled up to me and his fingers intertwined in my hair as he drifted off to dream land. I held him a little longer that night. No particular reason than it just felt so nice to be sitting there with him in my arms breathing in and out steadily. He felt so warm against me and I just didn't feel like getting up and ending that moment so I laid there with him for about an hr before laying him down in his bed for the night. I can remember how it felt to hold him and what he looked like and his sweet smell. That is a good perfect memory. The next time I truly held him like I did that night was at the funeral home to say goodbye. He was cold and his scent was gone and he wasn't there...it wasn't him, just his body. I know he is waiting for me in heaven and what a joyous day that will be, when I can see him and feel him and know that he is with me. My heart will be happy.
Everyday for the past two years has been a struggle. Some days are easier than others, but everyday is a battle to get up and get going. To know my family will never feel 100% complete. But every single day I find a new meaning and purpose for this pain. Ok that is a lie it may not be every single day, but it is far more than you'd expect. God is working in my heart and in my soul. The future is bright. just right now there are still many days of storms and clouds. But on those days where the sun peaks out of my soul I can see the amazing purpose behind this pain...behind Branson and his short 9 month life here on earth.
As you go about your way this week if you remember could you kindly send up a prayer for my family and I. We truly miss him and as the day our lives forever changed approaches we feel the pain a little more, it is a little more raw and our spirit is a little bit weaker as we try to find our way past that day. Thanks for your support.
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Britni I will most definitely pray for y'all a little harder this week. I can not imagine the pain you feel and hope I never do. I have aunts that lost kids and they tell me it is never the same. And to understand it you have to be a mother that has lost a child. But know I feel bad for you and pray all is well within your heart. Your soul will never be complete until your family is one day joined back together. I love you and your family. Prayers for blessings and some days to be easier. To say for every day to be easy I just don't know how that would be possible. Peace and love from me to you sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteBritini, I am so very sorry for all that you had to go through. I cannot imagine your pain. I am so proud of the strong woman that you are and know that you will hold that sweet little boy again one day. Until then Jesus will be holding him and loving on him for you. God bless you and your family. Much love and prayers for you.
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