Last week was wonderful, because Cody's sister (Jessica) finally had her little boy Kayden Parker. We were all so excited to meet this sweet baby. He was born at 11:19am on Monday July 16 2012. About an hr later I was told that he was having a difficult time breathing and was being put on oxygen. He was sent to the nicu. My stomach dropped...I was so scared for my sweet sister in law. All I could think was : PLEASE GOD NO!! DON'T LET HER KNOW THIS PAIN! PLEASE GOD NO!" I could not get him off my mind and I could not eat all day. I was overcome with my grief again. Later that evening I was texting back and forth with her to see how she was doing, When I spoke with her my heart broke for her. I was had been prayingall day for that boy, but I began praying so hard for that sweet boy to just be ok! I asked God to send Branson to watch over him..Then all the sudden I felt a calm wash over me and I KNEW he was going to be ok. God spoke to me again and I heard it " He is going to be ok Britni, This boy is meant for something...I have great plans for him." I felt calm then, I did worry for my sister in law and all that she was going through, but did not worry that he wouldn't make it.
On Saturday we went to visit Cody's parents and my sister in law, brother in law and nephew(s). He was still in the nicu so we were unable to see him on Saturday. Miraculously overnight Saturday he came off his oxygen, came out of the incubator and was no longer required to be under the phototherapy lights for his jaundice. PRAISE GOD! Then we were told we could come see him and actually hold him before we left town. I jumped at the chance..Cody however had a very hard time with it. He loves his sweet nephew, but it was a hurt his heart just wasn't ready for. I was able to hold Kayden for a few minutes as Cody looked over my shoulder at him. It hurt to hold my first baby since losing my baby, but it also felt like I was renewing myself. It was such a strange feeling...grief and happiness pulling on my heart. There will be so many more of those days in the months and years to come, grief will always be a part of me Like a freckle or a scar from a tragic accident. Right now the grief overwhelms all other emotions, but I know someday that even though grief will be there, in all my moments...it won't be the overpowering emotion. It will take its back burn at some point, down the road. It will be that feeling that just nudges me in moments, instead of being that feeling that is sucking thebreath out of me.
" For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11
ETA: Left out a whole paragraph I meant to write about my sweet sister in law. She's been so amazing and strong through all of this. She's given all the glory to God and had him as her strength. She is such an amazing woman and an inspiration to those who may be going through something similar. She was in constant prayer not only for her little boy, but for the others involved with his care. I am so proud to call her my sister. Also in more news little Kayden Parker is going home today!! FINALLY! prayers for his continued growth and health at home. Such a sweet family.
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