Branson's piece and my peace

We took down the last piece of Branson's belongings today, his crib(by we I mean Cody's cousins who own the crib, Summer and Paul).  It was hard taking the bedding off, luckily Paul took it down for us so we didn't have to do that, but seeing that empty spot in the room sure is strange.  It's like the last piece of tangible evidence that he was in this house, and its gone.  Its been an odd week.  I had a really hard day Friday...no reason, nothing significant about the day, just like every other day last week.  But I started thinking about Branson and all the things I will never get to see him do or be.  I've not stopped since.  He was so close to walking, gone, so close to actually talking, gone....He will never have a first day of school, I will never get to see him really really play with Stetson and Kinlee, I will never see him graduate, or go to college, or get married or have kids.  Who would he have been?  Oh I have an amazing idea...He would have been this sweet, kind, loving person.  He wouldn't have wanted to hurt anyone's feelings and would try in every way to take care of others.  These things I knew..these things I already saw in him.  Strange how at 9 months I could see him so well.

Is it hard having everything gone that represented him?  Yes of course!  But God shows him to me everyday.  Even in those moments that seem to hurt, when Stetson says something about him, or Kinlee asks for him, or I see a rainbow from a cross sitting on my window.  Every single one of those things is God showing me little pieces of Branson.  Stetson remembers him so well...I hope that never changes.  I hope he holds those memories tight...I pray to God that he does.  Stetson is such a sweet, kind, loving Brother.  Not only was Stetson blessed to have  Branson in his life, Branson was blessed to have such an amazing brother.  Kinlee is so young her memories will fade, I do pray that she can at least hold one memory of him in her brain.  She loved that little boy so much.  I picture their love everyday.  They were so close in age....what a special bond they held.  I hope she remembers that bond.  I seem to be rambling. No real point to my blog tonight, just a little release of words.

I was struck today at church during the sermon it was about prayer, and the aspects of prayer and how intimate prayer is.  I speak to God all day everyday, I talk to him like he sitting right next to me, sometimes aloud if I'm alone. Then my mind did wander a bit, (whoops) but I started thinking about my prayers lately and how when I ask God a question he answers and I HEAR the answer in my head.  I say "why branson God?" and I hear him say "you will see" I say it hurts God and I HEAR him say " I know"  I literally HEAR his response.  And then it clicked how this has brought me so much closer to the Lord.  Not just because I need him because its a hard time, but physically its like the barrier between He and I is thinner and I can truly feel everything about him and Hear him talking to me.  The thing is I think sometimes I block him out because I'm not ready for something to happen yet.  I'll work on that because I never want to lose this closeness and this voice that answers to me.  I'm sure its always there, just now, I can hear it.  Really hear it!