No sleep for the weary

Sleep eludes me... No tears, Just memories. I'm exhausted, but sleep does not come. Never imagined a pain so sharp, so abrupt. Where will I go next, what happens next... How do I move on? I have two sweet babies right here on earth to mold and they need me, but ohhh I wish they knew how I needed them. They are the reason I can get out of bed, they are the reason I can smile today, or laugh tomorrow. It hurts that they must carry such a heavy burden... To carry me. That they must know such sadness. Stetson asks me once a day to tell him what happened to Branson again, such a young age to fathom this sadness. We try to say something we remember about Branson every day and how it makes us smile. My reason for carrying on... I know God has been preparing us, I'm sure for a long time he has been preparing us for this very day and time in our lives. But I feel so unprepared for this, I was blindsided it seems. I've begged God for a reason... You'll see in time he says. I've begged him to bring him back... I can't my child he says. I've begged to take his place... It's not your time he says. So many unanswered questions... So much to figure out.