Two weeks

How can that be?  Can two weeks go by so quickly, yet so agonizingly slow?! I still smile, I still laugh, but my heart feels so empty.  I miss him eating food off the floor or crawling around right behind me, I miss him crying at 3am and miss breastfeeding him so much.  Its such a sharp pain...will it ever become a dull pain?!

Yesterday as I was sweeping the floor I hurt because I used to have to constantly move the pile around because he would come try to eat the pile and when I was cooking he would be right there by my feet.  I don't just miss him, I miss everything he used to do that drove me crazy.  I would give anything for one more minute or one more day to see a sweet smile or food in his mouth...or anything...

We should be getting his ashes soon, they haven't called yet, but it should be any day now.  I feel like that should be hard for me, but I don't know if it will be.  I'm having such a hard time crying and letting it all out. We ordered a beautiful urn that we should be getting in the mail today so I will try to post a pic later.  Crazy that I should have to order an urn.  I'm only 27 should I really be dealing with the death of my child right now?!  Stetson asked Cody and I the other day "when is Branson coming back?"  I thought we were doing ok explaining it all, but its so hard for a 6 yr old to grasp I guess.  We had to tell him that he wasn't coming back, but he was in Heaven with Jesus and some day a very long time from now we would see him again.  My heart breaks for my boy, that he should have to try to grasp such pain.  I wonder what he thinks and feels about that day...he was there after all.  He was in the midst of all the craziness with the paramedics and the police...oh how I wish I had been there for him and sweet Kinlee.  I know they were well taken care of, but my babies...

Two weeks....and time moves on.